Wishing Star
by SilverDawn2010
Summary: They're far apart; their feelings mirrored. Sonic left long ago; Amy still pines. He chases inner demons; she chases an elusive phantom. Both in a bar; she lets go while he looks back. Six years later, these star-crossed lovers know they both look up at the same night sky, and wish on wishing star... that things had ended up differently
1. Wishing

_[Prequel to "Nine Hours" - knowledge of the story is helpful but not necessary]_

 _(Everyone wanted me to write a prequel to Nine Hours, so here you go! Wait - you all said **sequel**? Aww - well have this anyway. And! You'll get a sequel as well, a bit later!)_

 _Please enjoy ~_

* * *

 **Wishing Star**

* * *

AMY

Today is my birthday. A milestone, too. 18 years old. It's supposed to mean I'm an adult. I have my life together. I'm suddenly responsible.

Ha. ha.

 _Ha._

I woke up like it was any other day - hitting snooze until it was absolutely necessary for me to roll out of bed. I still had to go to work; I could ask for the day off but what was the point? I didn't have plans, I'd just stay home if I didn't have to go. Pretty pathetic, huh? Now, don't get me wrong, I'd been doing well. It had been really rough-going for a while, but I was better. Or at least I thought I was. Today though - well, birthdays were supposed to be happy occasions to keep track of how much you've grown.

For me they were a painful reminder of how much time had passed.

Birthdays were supposed to be times to spend with those you love, family and friends.

For me they only emphasized the one who wasn't there.

The one who'd abandoned us all without a trace, without warning, without contact. The one who'd always had my heart - and absence _did_ make the heart grow painfully one who was mysterious as the wind, captivating as a thunderstorm, here for a short time and then disappeared, never to be seen again.

Now that I was 18, Sonic had been gone for 6 years. _A third of my life_. The realization made my stomach curdle as I began my morning routine. How could I still possibly be pining after him for this long? _Still_? I'd hoped to be beyond over him by now. I went through the motions of getting ready, showering, making breakfast and throwing it out, reading through a handful of texts wishing me a nice birthday.

I really, really wish I could.

As I left my apartment to get to work, I was sure to bundle up. Outside the early signs of autumn were everywhere. Scarfs, warm hued trees, scents of pumpkin spice lattes. Another year older - I was too young to be this jaded, but here we were. At work, my co-workers did their best to cheer me up. They passed me a signed card, but I pushed them away and said I wasn't feeling well.

"Aw, such a shame to be sick on your birthday!"

Little did they know I'd been heartsick for more than 6 years. I know. I know. It's pathetic. It's sad. I'm a hopeless girl who's too stubborn for her own good. It's not healthy. It's an obsession. It's just hurting me. I need to get help.

I've heard it all.

Just get over him. Just move on. Just look on the bright side. Just forget about him. Just let him go.

"Just."

If it were that easy, wouldn't I have done that by now?

Some days I wake up and hate myself, hate how little I've grown. Hate how much of my life I've lost to someone who wasn't in it for very long. He'd been gone longer than I even knew him in the first place. So why was it so hard to let go?

I think - it's because Sonic himself had always been mysterious, coming and going as he pleased. It's hard to get over someone like that, because you just never know. If it's in his nature to come and go, my heart had latched onto the concept of him eventually coming back. He just had to. Right?

That was the issue. Knowing Sonic, he could literally come back at any moment. If only I could get some sort of _closure_. I could make peace with it if he died - hell, that'd be easier than dealing with the uncertainty. Not knowing if he was still out there or not was what was killing me. I just wish I had some sort of sign either way.

I guess there were a few things keeping me holding on. I sat at my desk on a quick break, sipping some tea as I pulled out my journal. Although Sonic had disappeared, in the past few years there'd been reports of sightings - random people in random places claming to have seen him, with varying amounts of proof. I'd latched onto those stories, and started saving every article, picture, blurb, map, quote - everything, and put it in this journal. It had all my notes, every single Sonic sighting since he disappeared, where, when, and any clues. I'd organized it all, and had let it become my new obsession. It also had my writings, my thoughts, my anger… and my plans for what I'd do when he came back… it had pages falling out, was taped and stapled together.

In some sad way it was a metaphor for my heart.

A bunch of false promises and hopes stapled together, but falling apart in every direction. I wanted to write down my current thoughts, but had nothing new to add to the years and years of fruitless searching that I'd already documented. It all lead to this - I was still no closer to finding Sonic than when I used to follow him everywhere. To the ends of the earth, no matter where he was - that's what I promised myself. Now - well, I couldn't follow a phantom. I could only try to chase. I put the journal away, tucking it into my bag, and threw myself into my work.

My work day finally ended, and I walked home with a blank face, not feeling much. I unlocked the door to my apartment, ready for the day to be over with. Maybe I could get Knuckles to buy me some beer -

" _Surprise_!"

I swore under my breath. My friends, right. I hadn't answered any of their texts today, and they wanted to spend time with me I bet. I forced a smile onto my face as I looked at everyone crowding into my living room. Tails, Cream, Big, Knuckles, Rouge, Espio, Vector, Charmy, Blaze, Silver - they all looked so happy. Why couldn't I be that happy? They all missed Sonic, but they'd all moved on, so why couldn't I? Jealousy. Anger. Rage. I balled up my fists, and hoped my hammer wouldn't come out.

"Happy Birthday, Amy!" Everyone shouted, and then Cream approached me, beaming, and handed me a champagne glass. Just bubbly, no alcohol, of course. I sighed. I couldn't get mad at my friends despite my envy.

"Guys, I know it's my birthday, but I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anything," I admitted, taking a sip to hide my pained expression.

"Aw, Amy, what's wrong?" Tails asked, tilting his head in concern.

"Nothing… just a bad day at work," I lied, rubbing my temples after setting down the glass.

"Well, let's make it better!" Cream said cheerfully. "We have presents for you!"

"Yeah, Amy, we got you a cake, ice cream and your favorite - enchiladas!" Knuckles said with a huge smile as he gestured to the food set out on the counter.

I just shook my head and turned to go to my bedroom, not wanting to face everyone. I felt horrible - they'd put in the work to make this day special for me, and I was ruining it.

"Amy what's going on?" Tails had followed me, and now stood in front, blocking me from going further. Everyone had crowded behind me, looking at me with concerned expressions.

I told myself I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't let this bother me anymore. But I have no control over my heart. Most days it feels completely separated from the rest of me. Seeing everyone who loved and cared about me - it was overwhelming. I should be happy they were all here. I should be thrilled. But all I could see was the one that was missing. The one I'd cared about too long.

The tears came out suddenly, and I buried my face in my hands, trying to cover my sobs. It was too late though… all of my friends made sympathetic noises and crowded around me.

"Amy…"

"I'm sorry, I'm really happy you guys all came," I whimpered, quickly wiping at my eyes. "It means a lot. I just… don't wanna talk about it."

Tails hugged me, and I returned the embrace. "We all miss him," he whispered. "It hurts, I know… and special times like this just makes us all remember even more."

I nodded, and hugged my best friend, crying onto his shoulder.

"But don't you think he'd want us to be happy?"

I didn't answer, because I knew the truth. If only it were that easy.

"You know, we had a feeling this might happen," Espio spoke up, and I let go of Tails to look at all my friends.

"Yeah," Rouge said. "We know it's been tough for you, Amy. So let's get all these bad feelings out of the way at once."

I was about to ask what she meant, when, suddenly, my bag started glowing teal, and wiggling. I opened my mouth to protest, but instead cried out when my familiar journal flew into view thanks to Silver's powers. My jaw dropped - I was mortified.

"My journal!? But - " My head whipped over to Tails and Cream, and I could feel my anger surfacing. They were the only ones who knew about that notebook.

"Amy..." Cream spoke softly, approaching me with a sad smile. "We feel like it's time."

" _Time_?" I surveyed everyone's faces, but most of them refused eye contact. "Time for what?"

"You to move on," Blaze said. "It's been six years since he left. And it's not healthy for you to hold onto these thoughts. You documenting everything and obsessing over it has prevented you from seeing the truth."

" _Truth_?" I felt like an echo chamber, but I couldn't believe this was happening. "Truth? This notebook is all I have about the truth!"

"The truth that Sonic is _gone_ ," Blaze said coldly.

"You think I don't know that?" I shot back. "I know that more than anyone! You guys are all so quick to forget who he was! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who still wants to find him, who still cares!"

"We all want to find him," Knuckles said. "But until we get more solid leads, there's nothing we can do. We all think you need some tough love, Amy. So," he paused, and then looked me right in the eye, his purple eyes kind. "We think it's time for you to get rid of this journal."

I violently shook my head, and lunged for the notebook, but Silver lifted it over my head, out of reach. "What? How can you say that? How can you guys do this to me… that journal is all I have left of him!"

"Exactly why you should get rid of it," Tails said.

"Tails… but, you've always helped me look for him…" the fox wouldn't look me in the eye. I crossed my arms across my chest. "So this is it, huh? Happy birthday, Amy, let's take away your prized possession."

"No, it's happy birthday Amy, let's celebrate the life you've still had to live. You're young! There's a lot you still have left to do," Rouge said.

I was hearing what they were saying, but it was a tough pill to swallow. "Please… just let me have this."

"Amy," Tails said. "I miss him, too. But whatever happened to him, he would want you to be happy. And you're not. He wouldn't want - "

"Don't try to tell me what he wants, Tails. I know he's out there somewhere. What if he's in trouble? And he's waiting for us to find him? And what if the clues will lead us to him one day?"

"We appreciate all that you're doing," Knuckles said. "But at G.U.N., we're already tracking everything on Sonic that we find. So don't worry - we're all still looking into every lead. But this obsession of yours is hurting you. And we can't watch you do this to yourself anymore."

He was right. Knuckles was the closest thing I had to an older brother, and I knew he just wanted to protect me. It didn't make this any easier to hear.

"But you know what?" Rouge said. "We're not going to do this _for_ you. Sorry this had to happen on this day, but we thought an intervention was necessary. Here's your first present, girl."

She handed me a box of matches. "Today is a day of new beginnings. Okay? So let's let go of the past. Time to throw away all the things that make you sad. Tonight we're gonna have a party, you're gonna open up some gifts and then I'm gonna take you shopping to get you a new dress. Then we're gonna go to my club and have a good time. You're gonna dance and have fun and forget all about blue hedgehogs. Okay? But only if you want to. This has to be your choice. You're an adult now."

An adult now. Today was as good as any. Didn't I want to get over Sonic, deep down? Didn't I hate all these feelings still lingering in my heart? I stared down at the matches in my hand, and then towards my journal. Burn it? How could I? I shook my head. I've always wanted to get my life together, but at what cost? What if Sonic really was in trouble, and out there waiting for us to rescue him…? And I turned my back on him?

"How does that sound?"

Sound. Sonic. Ugh, everything reminded me of him. The wind in the trees. Thunderstorms. Birthday parties. My friends. He'd ruined my life, and kept me from enjoying anything anymore. I was depressed, obsessed, all over him. In truth, I was emotionally fatigued. And could use a catharsis.

My hands were trembling, but I reached out to take the notebook in my hands, away from Silver's grasp. The teal light faded as I fondled the familiar pages. So much sentimental value, so many memories. "I can't… it's all I have left of him…"

Tails spoke. "Look at you, Amy, you're crying on your birthday. Because of some dude that broke your heart so long ago. You're a beautiful girl with a lot to offer, and it hurts me to see you do this to yourself, it hurts all of us."

"We just want you to be happy. And sometimes you have to do the hard thing, burn it all down, so you can start over," Knuckles said.

I slowly shook my head as I held the notebook close. They were right. I knew it. As much as I clutched these pages, as much as they represented to me - they were holding me back. I'd spent the whole day in a foul mood. I'd spent the last six years in a foul mood. All because of some boy that I'd been infatuated with. He'd never even showed me any interest. He'd stolen so much from me. I couldn't let him have another year of my life. Not another month.

Then again, if I gave up on him now - then wouldn't that mean I was admitting defeat? That I'd spent the past 6 years of my life on a lost cause? I'd wasted all my teenage years? So many tears, so much time, - didn't it all have to end up with something? Didn't I get a medal, or at least a happy ending for my efforts? Or had it all been futile?

I'd never been one to give up… I'd held on for so long, why give it all up now?

"I don't know if I can let go…"

"Just because someone is an important part of your past, doesn't mean they have to be an important part of your future," Espio said.

"You know what?" I suddenly said, as if a husk had fallen off my heart. "I'm being dumb." I tucked the journal under my arm and struck a match. The wooden stick poofed to life, red flames captivating me for a moment. Screw it, I was over this. I was mad. My fingers trembled as I held the match in front of me. My other hand held the journal right above the flame, and I gasped as the fire overtook the corner.

Silver and Blaze sprang into action, the former taking the journal from me to hover at a safe distance, and the latter controlling the flames. They consumed the paper, making it all disappear to ash. All my pictures of him, all my newspaper articles, all my poetry, all my anger. It burned bright in one huge spark before dying out just as quickly.

It was over as soon as it had begun.

Let it all burn. Let it all die. I was done being unhappy. Screw Sonic. I was going to get over him.

"Fuck you Sonic. I'm gonna be happy," I growled, putting my hands on my hips.

"Yes! Now, let's party!" Rouge cheered, and everyone followed along.

I nodded, and downed a drink someone handed me. I hoped it had alcohol in it. I was done feeling sorry for myself. I was going to go crazy tonight. I was going to forget all my problems and have a good time. I was an adult and so done with Sonic.

For real this time.

After opening presents and binging on cake, I took Rouge up on her offer to go shopping. I found the sluttiest dress on the rack - short hemline, short neckline, tight bodice. Bright red with glitter and sequins. I wanted to feel good, I wanted to be noticed, I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to forget. I wanted to get lost in another guy, literally any other guy would do. I needed a new obsession, and fast.

I ruminated on the thought as I got into the car with Rouge and Knuckles to take us to the club. There wasn't much to think about, though, and I was thankful for the short trip.

"Rouge," I said as we left her car. I shivered a bit in the chilly air, but knew the short dress would be worth it once I got inside. "I want to lose my virginity tonight."

She raised her eyebrow at me and then smirked. She looked me up and down. "With _that_ dress? A guarantee, girl. Knuckie and I will watch out for you."

The echidna nodded at me. "We have a symbol - if we see you leaving with a dude, flash us a peace sign if it's what you want. Otherwise I'm going after him."

"Thanks Knux," I smiled at him, and he nodded again, holding the door open for me to enter.

Loud music, bright pink lights, sweaty bodies dancing. This had been my first time in here, as Rouge was super picky about letting kids in, even her friends. I knew what I was getting into, or at least I thought I did, but the whole scene was overwhelming my senses.

"Can I have a drink?" I asked Rouge, but I couldn't hear my own voice; even those gigantic bat ears didn't hear me.

" _Can I have a drink!?_ " I screeched over the pounding bass and she turned around, holding up one finger.

"I'm not letting you get drunk, but one to loosen you up. You're still underage."

I nodded and made my way to the bar, sitting down and smoothing down my skirt. It was a bit quieter in here, but I could hear the music throbbing behind a colorful glass wall. I played with my longer quills as I looked around, checking out the cute guys. There were certainly a lot of them here. I spied Knuckles in the corner keeping an eye on me, Rouge was heading upstairs, Silver and Blaze were by the snack bar in their own world. It was just me out here, trying to get laid.

The bartender passed me a glass, and I took a sip. The bite of the alcohol made me gag a bit, but the sweetness of strawberries and coconut soothed my mouth from the aftertaste.

"Ms. Rouge left me a message for you, said ' _Enjoy the men_ ," The bartender winked at me before walking away.

Oh, I would. I sipped and sipped on my drink, waiting for my head to get fuzzy, as I enjoyed the scenery. Nice shoulders, that chest, wow so handsome, what a body - the impure thoughts raced through my brain without inhibitions. I was going to let my hormones take over for once, and let myself have what I wanted. Suddenly I was sucking air - my glass was empty. I'd been so distracted I'd downed the whole drink in a few minutes.

"Hey sweet thing, lemme get you another one of those."

My fur stood up when I realized a dude was talking to me. A dude. Was talking. To me. What was this? Attention, nice attention? I wasn't used to this. Unrequited love was all I'd ever known. And I wasn't sure how to respond now. I guess I could start by looking at him. I turned my head -

Oh. my. God.

Mysterious charcoal gray fur, with small hints and patches of lilac and white mixed in. Dizzyingly perfect sky blue eyes. Chest fur for days. So fucking handsome - and yet, his tiny ears and fluffy tail made him endearingly cute at the same time. Either he really was this good looking or my drink was already kicking in.

"Sorry, but I'm only allowed one," I said and turned my head, but couldn't help but smirk. I ran a hand through my bang-quills, trying to calm myself.

"Hmm, seems to me you have two perfectly nice ones already."

I blushed and turned back to him, shocked at how forward he was being. His eyes were looking down my cleavage, grinning. God this attention was exhilarating. I hadn't let a guy look at me, well, ever, without pulling out my hammer. I was actually _wanted_.

"Like what you see, do you?" I flirted, angling myself so he had a better look.

"I do. And I wanna see more of you," he said with a wink. "Hey, another of these coconut things for the lady!"

Rouge wasn't here. I shouldn't have another drink. I glanced at Knuckles but he just nodded.

"So I'm a lady now?" I tilted my head as if indignant. "I thought I was just a pair of boobs."

He laughed. "Oh you're much more than that. What's your name? I haven't see you here before."

"It's my first time," I drawled, letting my hand wander a bit to explore his bicep. His muscles felt incredible… I wanted to feel all of them… "I'm Amy Rose."

"Wow," he breathed. " _The_ Amy Rose. I thought you looked familiar, but damn. You're a hero. And you look nothing like you do on TV."

Another glass was put in front of me, and I took a sip, feeling thirsty in more ways than one. "Well, thank you, it's been a while since I was called a hero."

"You really are. Damn. And you're fine as fuck too."

I squeezed his arm. "Okay handsome stranger, so do I get to know who _you_ are?"

"Name's Quill."

I raised an eyebrow, and found myself downing the rest of my drink. "But you're a squirrel."

"Yeah, I guess it's supposed to be ironic. Anyway, wanna dance, Quill on quills?" he winked at me, and my heart was going insane. He was so smooth, offering me his hand as he let me down from my bar stool. Fast, just like I liked it.

"Yeah."

I followed him to the dance floor, holding his hand as I checked out his back. Such broad shoulders and a firm neck, I was loving his body. He didn't lead me to the center, though - we stayed on the edges near the wall, dancing close and passionate. His body was pure electricity as it connected with mine, and I enjoyed every inch of it. I kissed him out of nowhere, pushing my lips against his, wanting to taste every bit of him. Quill grabbed me and pinned my back to the wall. So hot. He started on my lips but then quickly traveled down my neck and collarbone. His hands were on my waist and hips, exploring me. So fast, so much turning me on right now - all I wanted was hard and fast and _no_ w.

"You're so hot," I moaned as he kissed me all over.

"You're impatient," he whispered.

"I want you _right now_ ," I begged, lost in his crystal eyes.

Quill smirked and let go of me, taking my hand as he pulled me towards the hallway. I met Knuckles' eyes and raised two fingers in a peace sign. He winked and shot me a thumbs up. This was it. I was finally gonna do it. I didn't care about anything else, just what my body was begging for. The music began fading as we headed to a back room, and my head was spinning -

And then - a distinct, cold feeling of dread suddenly gripped my heart. The icy fear killed my hot libido in an instant. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Something was happening. I could tell.

"Amy, what's up?" Quill asked, tugging on my arm.

I could barely breathe, frozen in place. I tried to speak but had no air. I took a painful deep breath.

"S-s-sonic," I whispered with a stutter.

"What?"

"Sonic's in trouble… he's in danger… I can tell."

"Huh?"

I couldn't be here. I realized where I was and was about to do and I shuddered. How could I do this? Dread overtook me and I fell to my knees, in a panic. I could barely feel Quill's hand on my back. The premonition of something terrible was overwhelming me. Sonic needed me right now, I had to get to him, I couldn't be here, I was terrified - I had to help him -

"Hey, you alright? Want me to get you back to your friends?"

I nodded, and the next thing I knew I was back in the loud music, my head pounding… I had to get out of here… help Sonic...

"Where are your friends?"

"The red echidna," I breathed, and prayed Knuckles hadn't left for his own rendevouz with Rouge.

"The red what now?"

"Amy!"

Thank god. Knuckles rushed over to me, holding a chair for me to sit.

"Hey pal, what did you do to her?" He growled at Quill.

"Knuckles, it's not his fault," I explained as I sat down. "I just got a horrible premonition. Something terrible. Sonic is in trouble."

His face fell so much I thought he'd have to pick it up from the ground.

"Amy. Sonic is gone," Knuckles said.

"No, he's still alive… and he needs our help. I can tell he's out there, somewhere, but I can't get to him… he's hurting…and I can't be here anymore."

The echidna crossed his arms. "You don't know where he is. I thought you were going to forget about him."

"Uh…" Quill interrupted. "Didn't know there was another dude involved, so I'ma go now…"

"Bye," Knuckles growled at the squirrel who scampered away. I watched his retreating form with a bit of regret, my eyes glazing over.

"Amy."

I just shook my head, refusing to look at my older friend. "Don't. Don't scold me. I should have known this wouldn't work. What was I thinking, trying to mindlessly lose my virginity? I need to go."

The echidna sighed. "I'll take you home."

"Thank you…"

"Lemme go get Rouge, okay? Can you stay here for a sec?"

I nodded, but I had no intention of staying put. I was going to find and help my love.

 _I'm coming for you, Sonic._

* * *

[Part Two coming very soon ~]


	2. Star

SONIC

I'd always hated the taste of alcohol. But for a few months now, I was officially old enough to buy it myself. I hadn't even realized I'd hit the big "two-one" until a few weeks later. Oh right, I was 21 now. It'd been ages since I'd _celebrated_ my birthday. And tonight? Well. Without alcohol, I wouldn't be able to get through tonight. Strange how much alcohol and sex seemed to go together. I never wanted to have one without the other - hell, I'd never wanted either one. Period.

Or did I?

I stared down the glass, my eyes fixated on the amber liquid. Tiny bubbles on the side appeared and then popped, fizzling out. I could only stare in front of me, as my peripheral vision was partially blocked by a hood covering my face. I couldn't be recognized again. Candy had more than enough footage of me, as she loved rubbing in my face. She also loved torturing out details of my extracurricular sexual exploits - and any footage would ruin her fun. I'd learned that the hard way. I could do whatever I wanted as long as I told her all about it, so she could punish me for "cheating".

I should just leave her. I should just stop trying. But I knew, _knew_ , that I'd go back to her. I tried everything to just let her go, but I'd lost. This was my new fate. The only thing I really cared about anymore was figuring out this odd part of me. Candy constantly berated me for not wanting sex with her, and I'd never been able to enjoy it with anyone else either. And maybe if I figured out why I didn't want it, it wouldn't hurt so much when Candy and I were together.

As long as I was out here, looking for some tramp to come in to be my next try, I must want it to some extent. Right? I had no idea. All I ever seemed to think about nowadays was sex - but it was more confusion than fantasies. Was I just doing it wrong? Despite how much I was having it, something was so off. I should feel more, I should do more. I should want it. Be desperate for it. I should enjoy it. For now I felt like I was banging my head against a wall, over and over, trying new things and yet nothing was fulfilling. Yet I'd keep trying. Because the one part of the old me that hadn't died was my stubbornness.

A large sigh escaped my lips, and I turned my neck a little bit just to stretch. I was bored. I wanted to leave and go for a run, enjoy the stars tonight. The sky was perfectly clear and I knew the best place around for a good view. But what good what it do? Nothing brought me pleasure anymore. Nothing. The night sky would just mirror the emptiness inside.

Across the bar, my reflexes suddenly triggered - a glass tipped over, about to spill wine everywhere. I bolted up to catch it without even thinking. I set it down, not a drop lost, and let myself look into the eyes of the woman who it belonged to. So - it was _her_ tonight. In the brief moment I had while she was still recovering, I let myself look her up and down. Was this supposed to make me excited?

"Wow, thank you! You have quite the set of reflexes," she said.

"Ah, it's nothin'," I brushed off the compliment. So much for not drawing attention with my speed. Good thing no one else was really noticing us - the place was a bit crowded.

"No, really. That could have been a disaster. You're my hero!"

I knew she was teasing me, but hearing those words always stung. "At least I can be a wine glass hero," I grumbled, pulling my hoodie back over my ears as I sat down.

Her hand collided with mine as I reached for my hood. "Why are you trying to hide? You're so handsome."

I turned to let her see my face in full, hoping she didn't recognize me. Maybe all the way out here stories of me were few and far between. I was a long, long way from home after all. Home. What a concept. Always been lost on me. If I had a home now, it wasn't back with my old friends, but with Candy. Yet the word "home" always connected in my mind with my old, old friends.

Her hand suddenly gripped my hood and pulled it back, revealing my ears and spines. My quills tensed up by reflex, and I winced from the contact of her hand on my face, my eyes shut.

"Wow, you're a hedgehog, and your color, never seen that color blue…"

I let my eyes open, trying to calm my nerves. I didn't want to be touched. I didn't want her attention. I didn't want her to take off the rest of my hoodie. It served another purpose - my fur was still growing back. Although maybe my scars would be sexy to her, hell if I knew.

"What's your name?"

"Nic. The Hedgehog."

Yeah, I know - so creative. But if I was only part of who I used to be, I had to use part of my name. I couldn't exactly go around using my real name.

"I'm Rachel."

Another name I'd use and forget in a few hours. I already forgotten what she looked like. I didn't care. I just wanted to do it and get this over with.

"You from around here?" she asked.

"Nah, I'm a drifter."

God it was so corny and cliche. But the pickup line had not failed me yet. I saw the beginnings of a smile and I was already impatient. I didn't want to play the game tonight.

"Let's cut to the chase. Do you wanna fuck?"

Her mouth dropped.

"Yes or no?"

"Wow, so _forward._ I like a man who knows what he wants."

The irony was killing me. If she didn't say yes soon I was moving on.

She looked me up and down, still smiling. "Sure!"

It was all I needed. Consent was an odd thing to me, because I'd never given it, didn't really know how, but something kept me from just going around and taking what I wanted. I didn't want to be Candy - who hurt me for fun, who forced me when I didn't want it - even if it was my fault...

Those were the thoughts on my mind as I took this girl to a hotel room I'd already paid for. Thoughts of how this act, supposedly the pinnacle of pleasure and connectedness, an integral part of being alive, something everyone wanted – just left me feeling more empty and dead inside each time I attempted it.

We did the deed, and then I left.

That was it.

I analyzed my thoughts, my reactions but - nothing. Always nothing. Always empty. Always used. Didn't matter the girl – I'd tried all kinds. One girl looked like any other to me - some were prettier, I guess, but I still had no desire to do things with them. Yes, it felt alright. Yeah, there was pleasure, but that was it. Wasn't there supposed to be more? Wasn't I supposed to look at a woman and start imagining her naked without forcing myself to? Wasn't there supposed to be a connection? A spark? Romance somewhere? So I'd heard.

If I could just take a girl out to look at the stars with me, enjoy her company in nature, that'd be one thing. Hell, I _had_ done that. But it always ended up with her hands somewhere I didn't want them. But I never pushed them away. How could I figure this out otherwise? How could I fix myself from the damage Candy had done if I never tried? That's why I kept trying. Because I refused to believe there was anything wrong with me. I refused to believe Candy had ruined me beyond repair. She may have broken me, but I was still stubborn. I was going to keep at this until I was fixed. Even if banging girls felt more like banging my head into a wall.

I suppose I could just keep trying with Candy, but she enjoyed hurting me more than helping me figure myself out. I'd left her a few years ago, but inevitably went back to her every so often, out of… duty, loyalty, whatever. She was the only thing that was comfortable and familiar and made some sort of sense in my life. The pain was just part of it. Wasn't it? She said it'd stop hurting once I gave in, once I got better. I don't know.

No, I didn't want to think of her right now. I didn't want to think about any of this anymore.

It was a clear night. So many stars out - as I headed to the outskirts of the city to escape light pollution, I kept my eyes above. The familiar constellations dotted the sky, bright lights fighting the darkness. Faraway suns, emitting light into the vacuum of space, reaching our eyes much, much later. The whole world was under the same canopy of stars - they surrounded the planet like a blanket. I knew why I loved the night sky so much - it was the only thing making me not feel so isolated. We all looked up at the same stars.

I picked up my pace, weaving in and out of small towns, looking for a nearby mountain range I could just hang out and stargaze. As I did, something caught my eye. A bank sign, of all things. I stopped, doubled back, and stared at it. The date, the time, the temperature - what was so captivating?

54 degrees, 8:16 pm, September 23rd.

Why did that date mean something to me? It seemed familiar and somehow vaguely important. Enough to stop me from running. Was it somebody I knew's birthday -

I froze in place. A wind gust picked up, ruffling my quills, but I tensed them up.

Amy.

Amy Rose.

A picture of her entered my mind's eye and it was too much to handle. I took off at the speed of sound, not caring about the sonic boom in my wake. I was shook. Numb. I didn't let myself feel the regret, pain, guilt, remorse - the weight of my mistakes would have to wait. It had been so long since I let myself think about her. The cute pink hedgehog in the red dress, her Piko Piko hammer, her crush on me, her cheerful attitude.

It was her birthday - and yet I was still picturing her as I used to know, 12 years old. How old would she be, how long had it been? I had no idea, because time had become meaningless to me. I was stuck in this loop. No matter how much willpower I'd had, I couldn't break it.

But maybe... she could?

That was just wishful thinking. Quick maths - I had just turned 21 this past June, and she was, what, 3 years younger? So she'd be 18. Wow. Amy Rose, 18. I couldn't even…

What was she up to tonight? Did she still think of me? Still have feelings for me? Was she still looking for me? Did she miss me? Had she moved on with another guy? Did she still love me? I'd never gotten the chance to share how I felt about her. What was she doing tonight? Did I have the guts to go see her, after this long? And if I did, would she be happy?

My heart ached with sorrow all of a sudden, and I had to stop running. I sat down on a mountain ledge, overwhelmed. My eyes stared into the night sky as my thoughts raced. I didn't even see the individual stars, just the constellations that traced out her face as I remembered it. I hadn't let myself dwell too much on what I'd lost, but Amy was impossible to forget. She was intense, emotional, bold - everything I'd admired. She'd just wanted to be with me, and chased me everywhere, proposing even. Never giving up. I'd pushed her away because she'd been too much, and I was still so confused about all this love stuff. I knew there was something between us, but she wanted so much. So much that I didn't.

I was a dumb teenager. If I could have her now...I'd treat her differently. Better. Nicer. It was _much_ too late for that, though. As overwhelming as these feelings of longing were, I couldn't act on them. I couldn't have her.

It hit me then.

 _This_. This feeling, this need, this want to be close to her - these emotions I'd buried. This flame. This spark of romance. This passion - _this_ is what had been missing from all the meaningless sex I'd had. Amy had been what I'd been searching for this whole time.

Yet - I immediately shuddered at the thought of sex with Amy - mostly because I was still picturing her as a kid, even though she wasn't now. But still, even back then, I didn't have those elusive sexual desires for her, either. That was part of the reason why I ran from her. I wanted to see her, be close - hell, stargazing would be romantic and I couldn't get the thought out of my head - but sex? Meh. I'd always seen her as cute, pretty, beautiful, but sexy…? Ehhh. I couldn't do it with her. She was special. She was different - always had been to me. I couldn't hurt her or treat her like an experiment while I figured myself out. I couldn't _use_ her, of all people.

I couldn't shake the thought of her being out there, back at my old home. Looking at the same sky as me. If I could go back and tell her everything, I would. But I was too broken, too different. I'd rather she remembered me as I was and not learn what I'd become.

Still, I wanted to give her a message. A sign, that I hoped she had a nice birthday. How could I do that without letting her know it was from me directly? I felt so helpless. My eyes went up the stars as I tried to figure something out. I'd never been religious - I'd never wanted to hope on anything but myself. In the past, I was always enough, could solve my own problems. But now as much as I tried, I failed each time. And I was humiliated by that.

I needed something more than me.

A shooting star blinked in and out in a flash. I briefly closed my eyes and wished. Wished that she knew I was still out here, hurting, and longing for her. Wished that I could be with her tonight. Wished that I could give her a nice birthday. Wished that things had turned out differently. Wished that it wasn't too late for us.

Then again, I wasn't dead yet, so there was still a chance - and I'd never been a fan of waiting. I should go back home and say hello -

 **Candy.**

Her sweet name turned my blood to ice. She'd forbid me from seeing my friends. She'd kill me if I visited Amy. Or worse.

Maybe I don't have to see Candy again. Maybe I could just leave her - but she had those pornographic videos of me. I knew she'd release all of it if I crossed her. I was trapped, her prisoner, powerless against her. I'd destroyed her first batch, but she had backup copies, and backup copies of her backup copies. In places I'd never know. I couldn't do it. I couldn't rush back into Amy's life if I couldn't stay.

Maybe I could just see her, check on her - give her a gift and message. And as long as I wasn't spotted and on the news again, Candy wouldn't know. Technically I wasn't breaking any rules, right? She did encourage me to see others…

I stood up, staring at the place in the heavens where I'd seen the wishing star. I took off down the mountain at slightly less than Mach One. I'd have to be subtle if I was going to do this. And I _was_ going to do this.

 _I'm coming for you, Amy._

* * *

Home. Good old home. Felt surreal to be back. Literally hadn't been here since I entered Candy's life. I was grateful for the cover of darkness, which meant it was easier to hide, but I still felt so much anxiety just being here in our city. It was forbidden - as had been literally drilled and tattooed into me. I couldn't, shouldn't be here. My stomach curdled in fear. I was going to get in so much trouble. I could almost feel the cold knife cutting into my back -

Stop it. This isn't about Candy. I'd deal with her later, accept my punishment. Just getting to see Amy tonight would be worth whatever pain I would receive.

Didn't that mean I liked the pain…?

No time for self-introspection, I'd done enough of that. Time to take action. The first place I checked was her apartment, obviously. The inside was dark so she wasn't home. She was probably out, having fun. Going out and looking for her might be a waste of time. I sat nestled in the fire escape, knowing I'd just have to wait. This was all assuming she still lived here.

I jumped to my feet, and tiptoed closer to the window. I cupped my hands around the side of my face as I peeked inside. I felt like a total creeper but how else would I know if this was her place? It didn't matter, because I couldn't see inside anyway, it was too dark, and nothing was screaming that it was Amy's apartment. What would there be, pictures of me everywhere? All her furniture pink and girly? Those were the only two things I really knew about her, she loved (past tense) me, and was super bubbly and girly. And she loved to hammer things.

Who was I kidding? This was a mistake. I couldn't wait out here for her to come home forever. I wasn't even supposed to be here -

The light turned on inside and I jumped back out of view, clinging to the side of the fire escape. From my current angle, the sliding glass door acted like a mock mirror, and I could see inside… my stomach dropped as I saw her. Those pink quills were unmistakable. I didn't get a great look at her but she definitely looked older. And her dress was certainly shorter than what I remembered.

But who was she with? A guy?

...

 ** _KNUCKLES_**? She had taken _him_ home? What the **actual fuck**? Were they together?

The thought made me sick. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't. I wanted to go in there and scream in his face for taking my girl. How dare he - yes I'd abandoned them both but c'mon -

"Thanks Knux…"

I could hear them talking, and I had summon all of my willpower to simply ball up my fists and not spindash in and knock that knucklehead into the wall…

She sat down on the couch, and Knuckles remained standing.

"No problem. I knew you wouldn't get far as tipsy as you are. Rouge'll be here soon. Let me get you some water. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. What was I thinking… this was all a mistake.. I'm never getting over him…"

I loosened the grip on my fists. What was she talking about?

"The whole point of today was to get over him, but it's all useless, Knuckles. I'm pathetic. I'm gonna die an old woman, single and alone, waiting for Sonic to come back."

My heart skipped a few beats. She… she still loved me... I wasn't sure how to feel about that, because I knew I could never have her. Damn she was determined – maybe even more than I was.

"Don't say that, Amy. Don't be so hard on yourself. These things take time," he handed her a glass of water and sat down, covering her with a blanket. The sweet gesture hurt me… I should be in there. "You made some good progress today. You burnt that journal. Hell, yesterday you weren't even willing to look at another guy, and heh, you certainly did some _looking_ tonight."

Amy didn't respond at first, just hugged a pillow on her couch as she lied down. "I guess I thought I could get over him as quickly as I fell for him."

Knuckles shook his head. "Yeah, doesn't work like that."

"Tell me about it," she said with a groan, leaning back against her pillows.

The door opened again, and I saw Rouge enter. "Sorry, something came up at the club, but I got here as soon as I could… are you alright, Amy?" The bat approached them both.

"I'm fine," the pink hedgehog said.

Knuckles and Rouge briefly embraced and shared a kiss, and my heart relaxed. So Amy wasn't with Knuckles… okay, good.

"Listen, this is all my fault," Rouge said. "I was the one to suggest you get a slutty dress and go to the club. I was the one to give you a drink. I'm sorry, Amy. All I wanted was for you to have a good time and forget all about blue hedgehogs."

Ouch. Damn. I felt terrible, awful, guilty as hell. This was all my fault. But I kept listening, trying to piece together the story. What had even happened to her in the club? If a dude had hurt her I would hurt him much _worse_.

"You were both trying to help. I'm just a lost cause." Amy hid herself under the blanket, and my heart was breaking in half. I squinted at the glass, trying to figure out if she was crying. "I'm _never_ getting over Sonic."

No – I didn't want this for her. I didn't want her to keep pining over me. We couldn't be together, we just couldn't. Candy had ruined me and would get in the way of everything. I belonged to Candy now, and there was no way out. Amy had to get over me.

"Never say never," Rouge said, patting her arm. "Maybe tonight didn't work out, but you're making small progress. You're stubborn, so I know you can do this. You can use that determination to never give up on getting better. Okay?"

"I don't know…" I could barely hear her muffled words under the blanket. "I mean, when I saw that squirrel I really wanted him, like _really_ , but then I just got that dreadful feeling and couldn't go through with it." Her head suddenly popped out from under the blanket, her voice shrill. "Oh, Rouge! Will I never be able to be with another guy, _ever_ , without being reminded of him?"

The bat sympathetically rubbed her shoulders, and Knuckles shook his head. "I didn't like this idea from the beginning, but I kept my mouth shut and supported you. I don't think mindlessly losing your virginity will work for you, because that's not who you are. I know you want more than that. You should try serious dating instead. Find a good guy where you can take things a bit more slowly."

"Wow, Knucklehead giving dating advice, now I've seen everything," Rouge joked, and my lips slightly moved in spite of myself. I had the same thoughts.

"Hey, I ended up with you, didn't I? So I did something right."

The two shared a moment, but my heart was aching with too many conflicting emotions to pay attention. My throat thickened up from the intense guilt. It was my fault she was like this. I'd hurt her. I did this. All my mistakes, as much as I'd been hurt and tortured - Amy was in pain, too. I'd come here to give her a birthday present to make her happy, but I knew the best thing to give her would be closure of some sort. If I disappeared and let her move on.

I stayed on her fire escape balcony, unable to tear my eyes away from her. Knuckles and Rouge left after a while, giving Amy hugs, but I stayed. I knew I couldn't do anything. I couldn't give her anything. I would have no birthday gift for her, other than my absence. Maybe it wasn't what she wanted, but… as painful as it was, it was what she needed. I couldn't go back to her and hurt her anymore. She was a strong girl, and would eventually get over me and be happy one day. Maybe I wouldn't ever be happy - but that didn't matter, as I'd made my own choices. Her pure, romantic, sweet heart was more important than anything I could give her. I'd have to stay hidden.

Happy Birthday, Amy.

The best gift I can get you is ... nothing.

The girl finally stood up from the couch, and I thought she might go to bed and I could head off. But - she was heading my way. I panicked, and jumped down to the balcony below. She couldn't see me. She couldn't know I was here.

I heard the door open above me, and Amy walked outside. I couldn't see what she was doing, but I imagined her looking up at the stars, so I did as well. How romantic, us stargazing together - and she had no idea.

"Sonic…"

She said my name. Her voice… so sweet, angelic, lovely - it was breaking my heart as I knew I'd never have her. I should leave as anything she was about to say would only hurt me. I shouldn't torture myself.

If only Candy hadn't made me a glutton for punishment.

"I know you're out there… Tonight for the first time in a long time I felt you again. I've always had this connection to you, ya know; Cream calls it my Sonic radar. Everyone tells me you're gone but I know it can't be true. Everyone tells me I'm a fool, but - I know you're in trouble. I wish I could help you. I really do. I just wish I knew where you were. I wish you'd give me a sign."

No you don't, Ames. You don't. You're better off without me. Trust me.

"We first saw you on the news a few years ago, and that gave me hope that you weren't gone for good. I recorded and kept track of every single clue, every sighting, every time you were mentioned. Even the obvious fakes. I hoped that by doing that it would lead me back to you, but.." she paused with a sigh. "All it did was kept me from getting better. You were so much to me, and always have been, and I… I know you're in trouble. I can feel it. And you know I'd help if I could, but I can't keep going on like this. It's hurting me so much. I have to move on."

Smart girl.

"Long ago I decided to wait for you, but now… I've decided to let you go. The stars are so pretty tonight and if I could make a wish, it'd be - not to have you again, as that'd be selfish, but just for you to be happy, Sonic. Wherever you are. I hope you're living life just as you want, like you always have. I hope that free spirit is alive and well. And I hope you know that if you do come back, I'll welcome you with open arms no matter what happened…." She paused, and I heard another sigh. "I love you, Sonic."

Two tears slipped out of my eyes, leaving streams down the side of my face and muzzle.

"Goodbye, Sonic…"

Her feet clomped across the balcony, and I head the glass door slide shut with a click. I wanted to burst into tears, but I held back, and let the emotions die in my heart. I'd lock them away, never let them out. I couldn't have her, and I shouldn't.

She was better off without me. I'd go back to Candy and let her punish me for thinking I could be so foolish as to wish on a wishing star. Amy had moved on, and after all I'd done, abandoned her and my other friends, it was better for them. I didn't deserve to go back. I deserve to be punished for the rest of my life. As much as I hoped for something different, this was me now. In another life we'd be together, but this was what I'd decided. This sweet memory of seeing and hearing her would be all I could hold onto for the rest of my miserable existence.

My feet started moving as if on their own, but I knew all too well where they were taking me. Amy would not be at the end of this path.

She never would be.

* * *

 _(Truly tragic. I don't often write unhappy endings - but remember that it is a **prequel!** Nine Hours continues the story from here. Thanks for reading!)_

~SilverDawn~


End file.
